Monday, December 29, 2014

My Chronic Pain is a Blessing in Disguise

I keep thinking I should stop with this nonsense that I am going to find somebody to fix my weirdo problems with these obscure neurological disorders, bones, joints, tissue damage, missing tendons, LOL and whatever else I forgot to list. (I'm sure you get the picture.)
I've tried, for years, to find a doctor who would be confident and successful in trying to repair, even the slightest parts. (Since it requires a team due to so much going on.)
I feel bad a lot, because I am blessed. Believe me, even this chronic pain/neuro issues, have been a blessing in disguise. (In some ways.) 
When I think about whether I would trade in my ailments for my super hectic, fast paced, workaholic life again, I think I'd stick with this, since it has slowed me down a bit and has allowed me to work from home and spend more time with my family.
But, I feel bad a lot since I keep trying different doctors & specialists, thinking somebody, somewhere, one day, will have a solution for even 10% of this. There are people who have much, much worse going on and I know it could be worse and even though, living with serious pain, several layers of pain, not being able to do normal things, like, walk, run, jump, lift my foot off the ground, vacuum or use a hair dryer without electrical zaps going through my body for 3 days straight, certain sounds set off so much pain, (it's unreal!), not being able to shave my legs, wear jeans, shoes, walk uphill or downhill, up or down steps without it taking an hour, etc etc, is a bad place, it could always be worse.
I'm very stubborn and I believe that sometimes when you're fighting for something constantly, maybe you are a bit blinded to the consequences. I wonder if running to doctors, researching, trying to fix 1 part so that more can be fixed, etc etc, maybe will end up causing more problems in the long run? 
I took a big hit today. I had super, duper high hopes for this and it ended up being much worse then I was, (yes, it's temporary.) but, again, I'm told, "Well, this is last resort." Uh, how many times will I be told that? Lol! It's always, "this or that" "no more solutions", "this won't work", "this is it.", OK, SHUT UP! I don't believe it because I have been told this for a decade and they still say it and still come up with something.
I think the second I give up, it will consume me and I will end up in a wheelchair or the RSD will cover my body completely and I'll be in my house, 24/7  That's why I keep fighting and I'm getting worried I'm running out of options.
At the same time, I also believe that the more I fight, the more I push, the more problems can pop up. 
Yes, I try and use several all natural options but a lot of my issues are actually bone and joint issues, like, real ones that actually need fixed and nobody can fix it, yet.
Natural remedies help a little with MS & RSD but they to are temporary and also help a little, not a ton. (Which is fine and I'm grateful) but there are some layers of pain that NOTHING touches.
Those are the layers that I have a 50/50 shot with getting worse if I continue to fight. and every time I feel I'm getting closer, something comes and knocks me down further and adds even more of a dilemma.
Back to square one again  Completely unravel all I thought and did and start back at the beginning and add more drama to the twisted outline of things that need fixed before attempting a shot at remission so that more can be fixed so that more can be fixed so that more can be fixed, etc etc etc etc etc. It sometimes feels like a never ending road of insanity and it becomes so overwhelming that it takes over my regular, every day to day activities. (along with the pain, old and new.)
So, do I take a break?
Do I keep up being a stubborn, rebellious, hopeful person?
Or do I keep fighting and reading and researching and trying new things?

1 comment:

  1. Hey, This is a great article shared by you. It's very informative and knowledgeable. Thanks for sharing this with us this article most informative part is drunk_driving_accidents The Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, reduced the penalty of having up to an ounce of pot to a $100 ticket. That's amazing and will save us tons of money. Go Terminator. This will likely be a day of great celebration, by which I mean pot smoking. - Baked Life

    ReplyDelete