Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Knock Me Down I'll Just Come Back Running...

That has been my motto for many years, well, as long as Tool has been around ;)
I try my best to live by this, no matter how hard it gets and it really does get hard some days. Being positive and grateful for what you have, is just one of those little things I learned as a child. I try to teach my children the same, I think I'm doing ok...

I recently started a couple of other blogs so I could use one as my "pain diary" and maybe use the other as an extension of this blog but maybe slightly different, more for personal opinion about current events and such. I have so many notebooks, filled with thoughts, opinions, viewpoints, dated with notes on specific events, anything and everything that pops into my head. But, this pain diary blog is constantly trying to get into 1st place lol.

I keep putting it off, I don't like to dwell on negative things. Especially when I feel like I am dwelling on my own problems and drama and I know so many people are going through so much.

There is always somebody worse off than you... (That is just another one that keeps me going.) Even though it makes me more sad than anything. I don't like to see or hear that anybody is suffering, it is to depressing. But, it also sure puts your own life into perspective.

The ups and downs are usually evened out but it seems some days that everything just goes downhill. Yep, and it also seems to hit all at once! I swear, when to many things are going right, I am just sitting on edge, waiting for that one "bad" thing to happen and like dominoes, everything will start to topple over. It doesn't have to be that way though, right? There is always that silver lining?

Friends and family are often rolling their eyes at me because I am always able to find one thing, even if it is super tiny, there is always something that we gain from everything that happens to us through our lives.

I know, this post is kind of all over the place, lol, but I have a point somewhere, I think. Maybe I'm just trying to find that silver lining right now and writing helps me with that. If I put my thoughts on paper or draw an outline or type, something comes up and my mind starts going towards the "good side". I guess I am trying to find that right now.

Ok, so, I recently found out that I have a tendon issue, again. That icky, stretchy rubber band like thing that connects your heel to the rest of your foot, the "Plantar Fascia" is the medical term for it. Well, it ruptured and I live with chronic pain/nerve pain/bone/joint/everything pain on a regular basis. This new pain, is a bit above what I have had to deal with so far. I'm shocked to be honest. I mean, I have counted now, about 56 different layers of pain with all of my ailments and all of a sudden, here comes something new and something I haven't experienced yet. I have had a ruptured achilles tendon in my left foot and that was eye watering and was enough to knock me down. BUT, I got back up.

I can't see it this time, I don't know why. Maybe because this rupture is in my "crutch", my "better foot". Now, I don't have a crutch. (Unless there are walls around.) I feel so sorry for anybody who has to endure any amount of pain and I wish there was enough information out there to maybe help chronic pain patients. It seems it is easier for doctors to give us a whole new face and body then it is to treat chronic pain, successfully. Sometimes, I wonder if maybe somebody who isn't a doctor has the ultimate answer to this pain dilemma.

Originally, when all of this started happening to me, I thought it was to slow me down, force me to spend more time with my family and make me stop working all of the time and just rest and relax and stop moving 24/7. I am still a very busy person, even busier then before. But, I am at home with my family a lot more and able to do a lot more with them. I have been blessed with a pretty sweet husband who helps a ton and also is able to provide for all of us so that I am able to work online and grown my business and work just once a week at my job. Or vacation as I call it :D I do get out of the house once a week and work and it is a bonus since I don't have laundry, dishes, cooking, kids screaming, fighting with each other, or 3000 things to do al at once. I do like that though, it's my "normal" and if 3000 things aren't happening all at once, I start to go crazy.

Every time I start to accept my new "normal", something else starts or something goes wrong or something breaks, tears, rips, ruptures, spreads, but, after it's all said and done, I end up enjoying my new "normal" and I find a way to figure it out. We find a way to figure it out. 

I have been learning so much, maybe that's the goal here? I'm not sure. But, if so, I am actually anxious to see what I am going to learn next! I spent the last decade, learning and researching and studying so many things! Everything from weather, to making a lot of our products, blogging, social media to organic and all natural lifestyles, to new cooking and baking tips and tricks to reading lots and lots and lots of good books! We make so many crafts and so much of "our own" everything at home and we have a lot of fun doing it. Maybe something else will pop up and end up being my new hobby or my new project that I try to turn to my new "expertise"?

Accepting the pain, no matter how bad it is, seems to be the way I can manage to live with it. Unfortunately, I have lost faith in anybody helping me to alleviate any of the pain, at least any more then it is already managed right now.

While I would give anything to get rid of some of this pain, I would never, never trade anything in the world, for what I have learned over the past 10 years.

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