Friday, October 28, 2016

Our Daughter Is Back Home

I know that it's common for your heart to break when one of your children (or grandchildren) are hurting. It hurts far more then if it was done to you and it gets really hard to deal with once your little ones are grown up and you have to try your best to stay out of it. Sure, you can wish for karma to hit this jerk or you could imagine that you meet him in a dark alley one night and you can call your mom or sister or best friend and vent for a few hours or a few days. But, when you can't actually get involved and tell this person or his family what you think, it does start to eat at you.

Me? I do all of the above and write in my journal. Ever since I was a little girl, I was able to get any feelings, bad or good, out on paper. If something "ruined my entire life" that day, I wrote about it in my journals and I felt pretty good afterwards. I used to write in my composition books and notebooks and as I got a little older, my mom started buying me journals from the local bookstore/card shop. I wrote several times a day and kept them under my bed. Sometimes under my pillow, depending on when I was writing. But, it didn't matter what was going on in my life, even as a teenager who had some very "interesting" adventures, I was able to cope with a lot as long as I had pen and paper.

Our oldest daughter broke the news to us a couple of months ago and it has been extremely hard to not punch her "husband" in the face. (and well, a lot more that I wish I could do but, I don't need to be arrested!) Especially after finding his online accounts which were very unfortunately found by me. I wish so much I could send these to his parents. But, I will not get in the middle of this. At least not yet. In the meantime, our daughter and our 2 granddaughters have moved back in with us. Luckily, our house used to be an old inn with a barroom downstairs that was turned into a 2 bedroom apartment prior to us buying it. So, there is room for them but the move has been stressful.

I can't lie. I am absolutely THRILLED to have all of my children under the same roof again. My granddaughters too? Yes please! But, not under these circumstances. We treat her apartment as her own apartment and she comes and goes as she pleases and goes to work every single day and as much as I wish her 2 little angels could stay upstairs with us while she's away, they have a dad and another set of grandparents who also love them very much. It has been a hard past couple of months filled with many, many tests and I am on the border of not passing them all. Why? Because as much as we are just trying to help her out, offer advice, be there for her and the girls, help to make sure they have a good starting point where she can save and get on her feet and start brand new, there will always be a part of me who would be just oh so relieved to use the information I have to destroy his life.

In the meantime, life here is "normal". Something always seems to pop up when you least expect it and more times than not, 2 more things will pop up shortly after. I swear I am always more worried and afraid when things seem to go smoothly. But, without these hurdles, we wouldn't learn and life would be rather boring.

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